The Hunt For Shakira...

Columbia has produced many things over the years - cocaine and, arguably, the most successful drug dealer of all time - Pablo Escobar - are the obvious ones that immediately spring to mind. Then there is the most famous haircut ever to grace an international football field (courtesy of Carlos Valderamma) and, of course, one of the most organised and dangerous terrorist groups in the world - the FARC. But, for me, the most successful product of Columbia is the incredible, writhing sexiness of the popstar Shakira. For those of you who are oblivious to the Columbian hip shaker, log on to iTunes and download the video ´Beautiful Liar´featuring Beyonce - you will not be disappointed! And so it was that I crossed over the border from Venezuela with every hope of bumping into the Columbian superstar and convincing her that we are, obviously, soulmates and should settle down in a nice pad on the Caribbean coast of Columbia. One of the reasons for my conviction that we should spend the rest of our lives together is that surely only I could match her wiggle for wiggle on the dancefloor - with Salsa, Tango, Samba and Forer lessons under my belt I was feeling confident that I could impress her with a few dance moves! Unfortunately my dream was shattered in my first week in the country when i discovered - on my birthday no less - that Shakira not only has a boyfriend, but she now resides in Miami! After drowning my sorrows with a bottle of Rum - the tipple of choice here - I picked myself up and set about exploring this incredible country.

First on the agenda was a 6-day hike in the North East of the country, deep in the jungle, to explore Ciudad Perdida (the "Lost City") - an ancient city long-forgotten until it ws discovered by grave robbers in the last century. Some of you may recall a story in the news about 5 years ago of a group of tourists that were kidnapped in the Columbian jungle - 2 English among them - with one escaping and walking through the jungle for days on his own - the other kept in captivity for a couple of months...yep - they were on the very same trek! There is a strong military presence now, however, we were reliably informed by our guide that the FARC were still only one days hike away from our campsite in the Lost City...and a driver had been shot dead only a month before...! Needless to say we didn´t encounter any FARC...but we did see 5 men with guns running, no, sprinting, past us as we set up camp on the first night, followed by a couple of gunshots - "nothing to worry about", said the guide nonchalantly, "they´re just going to kill a chicken for dinner"! Now, I know I only have limited experience in killing chickens (1 to date - in Uganda you may recall), but I´m pretty sure you don´t need 5 heavily armed me to kill 1...hmmm.... Aside from that it was a great trek involving numerous river crossings, 7 deadly snakes (I very nearly trod on one!), a huge tarantula, 5 ticks (small parasites that burrow thier heads into your skin and proceed to suck your blood - nice!) and a tour around a cocaine making factory!! The "factory" was, rather disappointingly, set up for tourists - the owner explained that his real one is hidden deep in the jungle, with 20 employees busily preparing the marching powder day in day out - still it was interesting to see the production process of Columbias biggest export! The ruins themselves were nowhere near the scale or beauty of Machu Piccu in Peru, but it was still an enchanting place, and what gives it a bit of a special edge is that the only way to get there is to trek through the jungle, there are no roads, no trains, no helipads and, concequently, no day tourists snapping away with their huge SLR cameras! In fact we pretty much had the place to ourselves - the second night at the city (we stayed 2 nights in the city itself) being my birthday - a pretty unique place to spend it for sure.

After the trek I spent a well-deserved 4 days in Tayrona National Park - think sleeping in hammocks, on near-deserted beaches, while watching bikini-clad women dip in and out of the sea - paradise!

Next stop was the jaw-droppingly beautiful (and sweltering) city of Cartagena - it goes straight into the top 3 "prettiest" citys I have ever had the pleasure of visiting - the other two being Venice in Italy and Dubrovnik in Croatia. All different, but all beautiful. You will fall asleep if I started to describe all the incredible colonial buildings, wooden balconies, churches, plazas and cobbled streets that fill the historic centre - take my word for it - it is stunning.

Medellin, infamous for being the home-city of Pablo Escobar, was next up and, at this point, I feel I must just make a quick mention about the women in Columbia - Shakira was no fluke - the women here are gorgeous. They do, however, like their plastic surgery, especially chest enhancements, and Medellin is famed for having some of the most beautiful (and plastic) women in Columbia! I spent a few days visiting museums, and generally having a good time - the night life is pretty damn good. One other site we went to visit whilst in Medellin was Pablo Escobars grave, which felt a bit weird - wandering around a cemetry with a camera - but its one of the things to see/do in Medellin!, but that wasn´t the most serial bit. I went with two Irish lads I´d met in the hostal, and as we got in the cab to go back to the Metro station we got chatting with the driver. We went through the formalities of "where are you from" and "do you like football", "who is your team"...classic taxi banter - practising the old Spanish - but this guy could also speak a bit of English..."where did you learn English?" I asked innocently, "in the USA" he replied, "I lived there for 2 years"..."ah nice" I said, "where abouts?"..."In Colorado, in the prison" he said..."oh", i said, starting to wish i hadn´t started this line of questioning, "what for?"...he gave a quick sniff of his nostral and said "lots of money to be made, but its dangerous work"..."indeed...you´ve stopped now then?" i asked..."oh no", he said, "i can get you whatever you want"..."ah, thanks, just drop us at the station for now, maybe later a"...and with that we got out of the cab and looked at each other in complete disbelief - did that really just happen??!

Bogota followed Medellin and I was very pleasantly suprised by the capital - a former "no-go" area due to terrorist activity - the city has got a very friendly atmosphere (Columbians are incredibly friendly people on the whole actually) and the old historic centre where I stayed was very pleasing on the eye. Museums, parks and partying were the order of the day again...

After the excess of Medellin and Bogota I needed some time in the mountains to re-cleanse - San Agustin provided the perfect rest bite. It´s a pretty little town set amongst stunning scenery and happens to be the location of the second most important archeological site in Columbia (after Ciudad Perdida). At some point before the Spanish conquered and plundered Columbia, a civilisation thrived in this remote region - their legacy was hundreds of stone statues all over the hillsides marking tombs and sacred sites. I spent a couple of days exploring this enchanting area and chilling out - just what I needed.

The final couple of stops in Columbia for me were Popayan (pretty, white washed colonial town) and Ipiales (fairly mundane border town, with the exception of the most striking location for a church i have ever seen - see photos). And so it is that I start my long journey South via Ecuador and Peru, back to Buenos Aires for my flight home at the end of June. I wish I could spend more time in Columbia - there is so much more to see and do and the people here really are amazing.....Shakira who??!